The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe

Or my issues with really bad soundtracks...

Well, I’ll cut straight to the point. For me this was the second most disappointing movie of the year after Revenge of the Sith. The special effects were not very special; the soundtrack was awful, cinematography & the direction serviceable at best.

The music was particularly irritating, a puffed up, below par, bowdlerised, Hollywood trawl through 19th and early 20th Century romanticism stopping off on Wagner, Bruckner, and Mahler along the way. From the dreadfully misjudged synth-pop/classical “Narnia” song at the opening titles seemingly sung by a drowning child with a high pitch voice (and replete with a 1990s style synth drum rhythm) drawn out over and over again, to the awful incessant, and intrusive soundtrack which never seemed to end.

Being co-produced by Disney and somebody called Walden Media, I should have been prepared for this. But alas no, like all good (or bad) Disney films the soundtrack never ends. Well except for a ‘serious’ scene where the whole shite musical merry-go-round stops to emphasise serious stuff is happening. Apparently, the Disney Corporation after using a variety of surveys, social studies and invasive surgical procedures has decided that American audiences can’t deal with silence. The poor dears… In particular, I was especially offended by how the music prefigured just about everything that happened by about 2 seconds. Edmunds’s meeting with the White Witch is musically prefigured before she even appears in sight with ominously sinister music once he steps onto the pathway where he meets her. This happens so many times in the movie it is profoundly irritating and conspicuous. Yes, most of the audience know the plot and what is going to happen at certain dramatic points. I just resent some half arsed composer making feeble attempts to manipulate my emotions and expectations.

The effects were not particularly ‘special’ either. The majority of Aslan & White Witch’s armies looked like piss-poor refugees from the Jim Henson Creature shop circa 1990, and the blue/green screen work at times was a bit obvious by its shimmery slightly out of focus qualities. This said, not everything in the effects stakes was too bad. The beavers, well voiced by Dawn French & Ray Winstone, the evil Minotaurs, and the Klingon Centaur dude (I kid thee not) were amusingly realised. Aslan was pretty disappointing, however, he really needed more CGI work. As it is he simply looks like a CGI Lion, with the voice of Qui-Gon-Jin. Liam Neeson is a fine actor, but I couldn’t help but think he was miscast. Original choice Brain Cox would have potentially been more interesting. Nonetheless, I think given how fake Aslan looked on the screen anybody doing the voice would have had a hard task drawing attention away from his visual shortcomings. Oh, and please don’t get me started on the bizarre Passion of the CGI Christ-Lion scene at the stone table… Also is Liam Neeson attracted to roles where he dies halfway through the film nowadays?

On the topic of casting, and in defence of the film I would like to add that Tilda Swinton and James Mcavoy were very good in their roles as the White Witch and Mr Tumnus respectively. The kids were ok, except Peter who I guess like the character in the book is a tad annoying. In fact the film reinforced to myself actually how weak the plot and characters were in the original. The scene with Father Christmas appearing out of nowhere bearing gifts being especially inane. I mean what is the point of the older sister? She’s mostly redundant throughout most of the film until she shoots some evil dwarf with an arrow. Okay, so its based on a book written for children, but the plot is painfully simplistic and nothing is ever really given any sort of explanation aside from Aslan’s sacrifice. I couldn’t help but think the film would have been much better if somebody like the director of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban had been at the helm.

The audience reaction to the Lord of the Rings style climax of the film was interesting, with some derisive and sarcastic snorts from a group of children in the front row. In fact, a whole posse of previously cheeky, and occasionally noisy children just got up and left halfway through the battle. These reactions, however, paled into insignificance compared with the performance of a small 5-6 year old child who during the transitional scenes from Aslan’s reawakening to the ensuing battle for Narnia standing to face the front-row raised his popcorn bucket above his head to the cries of “look at me” before then dropping the bucket on the cinema floor and launching into a hilarious impromptu comedy jig like dance for about 20 seconds much to his parent’s vocal embarrassment. Everyone in the front three rows was paralysed with laughter. It was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a cinema since Team America, and one of the weirdest examples of audience participation I’ve ever seen. What a little star!

Anyway, I know a lot of people liked this film. Let me know if you really disagree.